Dear ABBY: My overseas sister is facing serious, life-threatening surgery. Although she is not well, I asked to visit her a few days before a family reunion and she agreed.
While I was there, I noticed that she was nervous and sharp-tongued, more than usual. I let him go.
However, on the morning of the reunion, as we were getting ready to leave, she turned her anger on me, yelling and screaming at me and accusing me of all kinds of accusations.
I’m sorry to say that after repeated statements, I started screaming again. When I regained my composure, I apologized for everything she said I had done as a guest.
Then I packed my bags and went to stay at another family member’s house. At the reunion, she was sweet and nice to everyone, but naturally our conversation was minimal.
I’m home now but at a loss as to what to do next. I already apologized but the silence from her is deafening.
She has always been stubborn, argumentative and self-righteous, but she is my only sister and I love her.
I’m not perfect either, but I can’t help but think an apology from her is the only way forward. OK? — Brother EXPERIENCED IN ILLINOIS
Dear Brother: No, I don’t agree. Your sister is very sick. Treatment is life-threatening.
In this situation, many people are not at their best. Do not seek or expect an apology from her.
Call, text or write to tell her you love her and wish her well in the coming weeks and months and that she is in your thoughts. In a case like this, a dose of selective amnesia on your part might come in handy.
Dear ABBY: I recently found out that my 32-year-old (male) distant cousin on my father’s side has been flirting with my mother on Facebook Messenger. (For the record, my parents have been divorced for 18 years.)
I saw this when I was helping my mom set up her new phone and she got one of the messages.
She has asked him to stop, but he continues to send messages that start with “Hey beautiful”, “Hey, the most beautiful lady in the world” and “Hey, hot stuff”.
He says he wants to take her on a date and kiss her, even if it’s just once.
I know I was wrong to do this, but I decided to review the entire conversation and other conversations from previous FB accounts my cousin had.
These messages date back two years, including when he was in another relationship. Neither my mother nor my cousin knows that I know about these messages.
I’m hesitant to confront my cousin because of how I found out and I don’t want to embarrass my mother on that side of the family.
But I think he needs to take responsibility and know that this is not okay. What should I do? — KNOW A LOT IN WISCONSIN
DARLING I KNOW: Your mother is an adult, and apparently in her right mind. If he didn’t like the attention, he could block the messages. My advice is to stop snooping and stay out of it.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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